Why does my child hate me?

Why does my child hate me?

Okay, I know she doesn’t really hate me; she is two years old, she doesn’t know what hate is. But I tell you, it sure feels like she hates me sometimes. This week especially!

I would even go as far as saying that this week has been torturous, and has left me wondering where my happy little mummy’s girl has gone. She is two, so I suppose by default she is classed as being in the terrible two’s phase, but lately it has been truly hellish.

She seems to have developed a yell and scream that would give a banshee a run for their money. Honestly! No mother, I’m not over reacting or being overly dramatic; she seriously screeches like a banshee. She does it on purpose too because she can see that it annoys me so she keeps doing it. I try to pretend I’m indifferent to it but she carries on, knowing she will eventually get a reaction.

She seems to have tantrums all day, every day of late. Throwing things around is one of her favourite things to do. She also likes to charge at the TV, open doors just to slam them shut again, and has started to hit and bite me.

She doesn’t behave like this for anyone else. This behaviour is reserved just for mummy. Why does my child hate me? Is it something I have done? She is always on her best behaviour for everyone else, whether she is at nursery, or with friends and family. She keeps getting certificates from nursery for being pleasant and I keep asking them if they are sure they have the right child…

It doesn’t matter what I do to try and calm the situation down. Nothing seems to work. But anyway, how can I attempt to reason with a two year old who is screaming louder than I can talk? Again I have to ask, Why does my child hate me?

Why is she having all these tantrums in the first place? I tend to blame myself for everything. I have put myself through the wringer wondering what I could have done, or might be doing to make her angry. Would she play up for her father if he was a stay at home dad.

Sometimes when we are out, I can see that she is frustrated, kind of like a pressure valve waiting to go off. I diffuse the situation as much as I can and she does well holding her frustrations in. Eventually though, the lid has to come off; usually when she is at home and it’s just the two of us.

I remember one of my Health Visitor appointments when Molly was younger. She started playing up and having a tantrum. I was mortified and felt like the worst mother in the world because I couldn’t get her to stop screaming. The Health Visitor laughed and said she was glad to see her having a tantrum. I questioned her response and she said it means Molly is comfortable around me and her surroundings, and isn’t scared to behave in such a way.  Who knew a comfortable tantrumming child is a good sign for health visitors?

But why does she only behave like this for me? Is it just me or is it all mothers? Or all stay at home parents? I don’t know how many times I have cried to my OH, mother and sister while I confess to them that I am the world’s worst mother, who is hated by her own child, and who cannot even begin to control her own daughters temper tantrums. Maybe I am overly dramatic like my mother says…

Maybe Molly’s tantrums are the result of her feeling angry or frustrated. Or maybe she is in pain of some sort. As she is only two she cannot communicate these feelings to me effectively so she does what she can do; has a tantrum.

What I really do not understand is why she behaves in such an angry way towards me but when she calms down, she seeks my comfort? Surely if she hated me I wouldn’t be the only person she wanted to give her a cuddle? If she falls down and hurts herself, or if she is tired, or if she just wants a cuddle for the sake of wanting a cuddle, I am her go to person.

Of course she shows affection towards other people, but not like I get. I am so lucky that I am the person she always wants to give big kisses and cuddles to, and that I am the person she goes to when she needs comfort. She might play up for me but she obviously knows that no matter what she does, I will not stop loving her and I will always be waiting with open arms to give her a big kiss and cuddle.

I know this is just a phase she is going through and for now, I will just have to accept the good along with the bad. And maybe I should try to not take it all so personally!

As she gets older I will have more room for reasoning, when she can understand and communicate better. But, I may have to accept that she might just have a volatile personality, and if that is the case, I am truly dreading the teenage years! Please bring back my sweet little placid mummy’s girl.

Even though we do have to endure these tantrums at the moment, she actually is still a sweet little pleasant mummy’s girl. Most of the time she is extremely happy and always smiling. She does these really big belly laughs. Laugh out loud; fall on the floor kind of laughs. She is amazing. She really does have a fantastic personality for someone so young.

So rant over. I know my daughter doesn’t hate me. She is just pushing boundaries. My mother says she is just like me when I was that age and if that is true, karma really is a bitch.

 

Thank you for reading. Any tips on dealing with toddler tantrums would be truly appreciated…

Sam x

 

 

 

 

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11 Comments

    1. Horrible 3s. Oh no, don’t tell me that. Haha. I think I am going to have to toughen up then! ☺

  1. Awww bless you!! I have been there!!! I’m fact this week has been awful. Perhaps our girls need a play date and can throw tantrums together. Haha. No tips but sounds like you are doing a fab job and keep it up! As you know it’s a phase and hopefully a short lived one. Good luck
    #MMBC

    1. A tantrum play date sounds perfect because at least they would tire themselves out and have an early night.. one can Hope! Ha.

      My daughter keeps getting certificates from nursery for being pleasant. She must save all her bad moods up for me when she gets home I think 😂😭

  2. Oh yes! Tantrums are no fun, but they are part of toddlerhood…I’ve read that they may even be a stress relief mechanism! Also – think of it this way. Your toddler reserves her tantrums for you because she trusts you to handle all of those nasty feelings, you can only be honest with the ones you trust the most…that’s why she doesn’t act that way around anyone else. What a compliment – I know! Good luck!!

  3. Oh bless you! I really do understand where you are coming from with this. My 13 year old daughter was an absolute nightmare from the age of 2 through to 8. She would have tantrums that lasted for anything up to two hours, throwing things etc. I would regularly be in tears, but she came through it and she began improving from the age of 8. Now she is lovely and the transition to teen has been an absolute breeze. If I see the monster child raise its ugly head, I just get her to check the calendar (PMT). Hang on in there, you’re doing a fantastic job x

  4. Hi Sam, your post did make me smile. Only because those days are so far behind me now! My sister is having a similar problem with her daughter though and she’s nine! She’s good as gold out and about, but when she’s at home she is (in the words of my sister) a right little cow.

    Take comfort in the knowledge that you are not a bad Mum. You are a Mum who is doing her best and one day karma will be there to bite your daughter right on the bum too!

    xx

    1. Haha a right little cow. Thats the perfect description for my daughter at the minute. My mum keeps telling me that my daughter is just like me when I was her age so I shouldn’t be complaining! Ha. No doubt a few years down the line when she has a child of her own I will be saying the same thing to my daughter as my mum said to me! Thank you for the lovely comment ☺

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