Hi. I’m Sam. And I’m a big scaredy cat…
There I said it. It is ants mostly, but any sort of creepy crawlies freak me out; spiders, earwigs, beetles… if it is tiny and it crawls, I’m likely scared of it. Not many people like little bugs so I know its not unusual, but the ant thing is a huge issue for me. I feel sick thinking about them.
I’m also a scaredy cat when it comes to dogs. And (controversially) I don’t really like them either. Or cats. Or the little fluffy rabbits, chicks, guinea pigs and other animals they have at the petting zoo. I am not sure I like any animals really… I’m weird I know.
I’ll admit some animals are quite cute but thats as far as my love/hate of them goes. I feel obliged to take Molly to places like the zoo or petting farm so she doesn’t develop my irrational fear. These places smell and are muddy. Definitely not a happy mama on days that involve me willingly visiting animals.
I’ve tried to ‘man up’ so to speak since having Molly. I don’t want her to have this unjustified fear of all of the animals. I think I have done quite well actually and I’ve lost count of how many spiders and earwigs I’ve had to catch and take outside while trying to remain calm.
Unfortunately, I don’t think I’ve manned up enough though and I’m pretty sure I’ve passed on the scaredy cat gene to Molly. In fact, I think she might actually be worse than me if that is possible. I feel awful when I see that she is scared of something; is it my fault or would she have been scared any way?
I’ve really made an effort to pretend I’m not scared when there’s a spider in the house or a dog on the street but even though I try to appear calm on the outside, Molly still freaks out so I think she would be scared anyway.
My fear most probably stems from the fact that I didn’t really grow up around animals and neither has Molly. So far. Hopefully it stays that way. Selfish I know…
I did have three gerbils at one time and I’ll admit I loved them little things. They were an exception obviously. Well, two of them I tolerated and the other one I loved. I’m pretty sure my favouritism of my little black gerbil was the cause of its death.
I came home from school one day and my favourite little black gerbil was lying dead at the bottom of the cage with a bloodied nose. In my head the other two gerbils had had enough of not being the favourite and pushed the black one from the top tier of the cage to teach it a lesson. I’ll never know exactly what happened, hopefully it was natural causes, but that’s how it went down in my then teenage mind.
I’m not sure I’d have the same love of gerbils if I saw one now, and I would definitely not be putting my hands anywhere near them. I also had a couple of goldfish as a child. One of them was a little bit suicidal I think. It was forever jumping out of the bowl. How I never stood on that little thing I don’t know. Unsurprisingly that one wasn’t with us for too long.
There was a dog on our street the other week and I panicked. I tried to pretend I wasn’t bothered by it but Molly saw me freaking out a bit and looked worried. Then the dog came running up the street and without meaning to I did a loud gasp kind of noise. I’m not sure if it was me or the dog that scared Molly but she set off crying. I say crying but it was more of a terrified scream than a cry. She was shaking and jumped right into my arms. She cried for so long and her little heart was pounding. It took me ages to calm her down.
It’s been a few weeks since the dog incident but Molly still tells me the story of it. She says, “woof woof outside. I cry. It get me.” Every time she looks panic stricken and grabs her belly. Not sure why she grabs her belly – I think maybe she had one of them heart sinking feelings or something and when she thinks about dogs she remembers how her belly felt. I’m going to go out on a limb and say the poor girl is traumatised.
Not long after the dog incident we were sat playing in the living room when a black piece of fluff got blown across the floor. I saw something move out of the corner of my eye and it made me jump. I thought it was a spider. Without meaning to I did that loud gasp noise and Molly did her terrified cry whilst scaling my body to get into my arms. Again, it took me ages to calm her down, and her poor little heart was pounding.
There have been a few spider incidents with Molly actually. I was taking her up to bed one night when all of a sudden she started screaming and ran over to me, again jumping into my arms. I didn’t know what the hell was happening, then I saw a spider brazenly walking across the landing floor. The way Molly had jumped into my arms meant I couldn’t move so I had to shout Chris, the OH, to come and get rid of it. Needless to say it took a hell of a long time to get her settled for bed after that.
I’m not sure it is possible, but I think I am becoming more of a scaredy cat as I’m getting older. I have never been an animal fan but I am working on at least being able to tolerate being around them for Molly’s sake. As much as I want to not be bothered by ants, that is one fear I won’t be able to ignore or pretend isn’t an issue unfortunately. I would go as far as saying I have an actual phobia when it comes to them little things.
I am also becoming wary of heights and flying over recent years when they were never an issue previously. Maybe now I am older and a mother I am just aware of the fact that I am not indestructible. Even rollercoasters are an issue these days when once upon a time I was a bit of a thrill seeker – although, the film ‘Final Destination’ probably has a lot to answer for with that one. Speaking of films, I am no longer a fan of horror films anymore, when that genre was once my favourite. I’m strictly a romcom girl now.
Anyway, I have talked way too much about ants and being a scaredy cat for my liking now so I am going to leave it there – I feel like the ants are on me. I am going having a shower!
Do you think my fears are irrational and I am just a big scaredy cat who needs to grow a pair and get over it, or do you have similar fears? I’d love to hear what you think.