Rebooting Mummy

Parenting isn’t easy, we all know that. Why isn’t there a manual to show us what to do? But, we are all in the same boat, which is comforting in a weird way. I don’t know about you but I have found that being a parent can take you on a completely unexpected journey self-discovery.

This is the story of my voyage into the unknown and the unavoidable process of rebooting mummy…

Job: Full time mummy…

Being a mummy was always a dream of mine. I had some infertility problems and didn’t think I would ever have the opportunity to be a mum, as I spoke about in my very first blog post. The only option for me when my daughter, Molly, was born, was to leave my job as a tutor to be a stay at home mum. I didn’t want to miss a thing because this would most probably be my only chance of experiencing motherhood. I was worried about the implications of leaving behind a career I loved and had worked hard for, but the benefits outweighed these. As a SAHM I would get to spend every day with my daughter and have more time together as a family.

I jumped right in to my new SAHM status. Molly was my whole world and we would get to spend every day together. I would see her first everything!  As we were together every day we could have messy play and arts and crafts days, baking days, and we could have days out whenever we wanted. The possibilities were endless. Being a full time mummy was going to be the best job in the world.

I loved my new lifestyle from the off and was completely enveloped by it. Occassionally I thought about my old job and lifestyle and about what I was missing out on. The main things I missed were the social parts of working, the adult conversation and the office banter. I missed my old life but I was so much happier, even if the days were long and tiring!

Where’s Sam?

After a few months of being a SAHM I realised that somewhere along the way I had lost myself. Motherhood had consumed me. As it should I suppose. I couldn’t help but wonder where Sam had gone.

Who is this Sam we speak of? I had become completely invisible to myself. Baby brain seemed to have taken up permanent residence and I even struggled with basic things like filling in forms and holding any sort of intelligent conversation.  My memory was shocking and I couldn’t tell you what was going on in the world. I could, however, tell you the Cbeebies schedule and I excelled at anything to do with ‘Something Special’ and ‘In the Night Garden’…

Don’t get me wrong, I was, and still am, truly grateful for every second I spend with Molly. I know I am blessed but I started to miss my old life. I was well and truly stuck in a rut. Being a mummy was my main role but outside of that I felt like I didn’t have an identity. I had to do something, and I had to do it fast.

No looking back

As I thought about ways to get my old life back it dawned on me. I didn’t miss my old life at all. How could I when my new life was so much better than it was before? Sure, before Molly was born I might have been able to go out whenever I wanted without having to plan weeks in advance. My clothes might have always been clean and free from someone else’s sick/food. I might have been able to go on holiday whenever I wanted. My hair and make-up might have actually been done properly and I might have been able to get a full night’s sleep. Every night!

But how was that better than my new life? It wasn’t. Being a mummy was so much better. All the little things I got to experience made it worthwhile. Seeing my daughter’s first steps and hearing her first words; watching her grow from a baby to a little girl; the way she gives massive cuddles and demands a kiss afterwards

I realised that some parts of me were different or missing but that I had gained other parts. Better parts.  I was voyaging in a completely new direction. I knew it was going to be hard, but I needed to balance being a mummy and being Sam for the benefit of me, my OH and Molly.

Rebooting mummy

So here I am. September is a huge month for new starts as students up and down the country know, but this September is going to be huge for me too.  With the start of the new school year comes the start of a new version of me. I am a mother and that will always be my main priority, but I have the opportunity to improve and better myself for the sake of my family. Rebooting mummy is the only option.

The journey of self-discovery is beginning.  I have started a blog, signed up for a part time course, and I have even joined the gym.  I may have lost part of myself somewhere along the way but a different me is emerging and I am completely on board with that.

All the stressing I did for nothing, thinking that I had lost myself but I hadn’t; I just needed to be rebooted. So hi, I am Sam, and I am currently going through a rebooting mummy process… And you know what, the possibilities are endless and that is the best feeling in the world.

 

Sam x

 

 

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6 Comments

  1. Love this post! It’s so refreshing to know that other Moms are going through the same things. I’ve been feeling like I’m losing my identity a bit lately, and forget about hobbies when your little one needs your constant attention. My husband and I have recently been brainstorming how to get back a bit of normalcy; online courses, yoga classes and did projects to name a few, but also embracing our new life as parents with our toddler and living in the moment, enjoying every minute.

    1. Thank you. As new parents we devote all of our time to our little ones because like you said, they need our constant attention. I definitely felt like I lost my identity somewhere along the way though. Whenever I even contemplated doing something for myself I felt guilty because it was time away from my little girl. But now I realise that we parents need to make sure we have our own identity outside of being a parent, for the sake of our sanity. Our children will always be our priority but that doesn’t mean that we can’t have our own lives too. Thanks again for the lovely comment.

  2. Love this and could t agree more. So much so I wrote a very similar post a short while back called “Finding my mojo”. I don’t think Daddy’s, Daddy’s that don’t stay at home anyways, go through the same emotional journey as a mummy. Especially when you choose, as we have to give up work and throw ourselves into this role which barely has an accurate job description and with a boss that most will give the expectation of being a darling when actually they can be somewhat of a slave driving tyrant lol. I think we would get on just lovely lol. Big up all the mummies in reboot mode lol X

    1. Oooh really? I will have to give it a read. Unless you have been a stay at home parent and have sacrificed as much as we do, I don’t think you can truly appreciate how hard it can be for us. I absolutely love the ‘slave driving tyrant’ description. That definitely sounds like my daughter. She makes up for it with her hugs and kisses though I suppose ha. I’m really looking forward to reading your post on this. Thank you for the lovely comment.x

      1. No worries. Nice to ‘virtually meet’ someone who actually knows what it’s like in this current day.
        Ha ha. This was my FB status just under a month after he was born lol

        “I’ve now completed the first 4 weeks in my new job and to say it’s tough is an understatement. My boss is a tyrant that demands all sorts at all times of day, the hours are worse than slave labour with absolutely no breaks, not even to peacefully eat or to go to the toilet, and the salary is non existent. I do however get random bonuses of receiving adorable smiles and cuddles. Not quite ready to jack it in yet. I know my boss couldn’t cope without me 😜😘”

        Best job in the world and thankful I’ve got to experience it 😍

        1. Haha. That status is fab. Totally true. And no matter how hard and long the days are we know we are blessed and wouldn’t have it any other way. Even though I’ve just started, i’m so glad I decided to start blogging because like you said, it’s nice to meet people going through the same things. And I might even pick up some pointers along the way too.x

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