Bring on 2017!

This isn’t going to be a new year new me BS post, but, at the risk of it sounding corny or contradictory, it is going to be one about me trying to become a better version of myself. Sort of… So bring on 2017!

 

2016 was shitSimple as that. One of the worst years on record for me.

 

I had a few issues to contend with in 2016, mainly my worsening Polycystic Ovaries and Endometriosis. These are problems I have touched on before but never gone in to detail about. That’s a story for another day.

 

I knew the symptoms of my conditions were worsening. The doctors must have known too because they sent me for my third Laparoscopy to remove the Endometriosis. Even though I knew things were getting worse, I was knocked off my feet to find out the Endometriosis had blocked both of my fallopian tubes.

 

I was completely devastated!

 

I am blessed with one child already and I have previously thought about having a hysterectomy, but I was still devastated to hear the results. How could my own body do this to me? The doctor thinks he managed to open one tube and that I ‘could try’ for another baby. His words said one thing, his face and demeanour said another.

 

It might sound stupid but it felt like I was grieving the child I want but may never have. I really took it hard. I still am.

 

But, I have been told worse by doctors previously and proven them wrong.

 

I can officially say the absolute worst day of my life was July 1st 2013 when I was told, very bluntly by my gynaecologist, that I would never have children and that I should have a procedure to ‘end my suffering’.

 

My world shattered. I was off work for months. I really couldn’t handle the pain and I fell into a ditch and couldn’t get out. There was no hope. When I thought I couldn’t get any lower, the bottom of the ditch fell through and I fell even further.

 

But from somewhere, God knows where, there was a glint of light. It was my own personal Angel. My daughter Molly!  I clawed my way towards the light and pulled myself out of the ditch.

 

Exactly 1 year and 11 days after my world shattering news, my miracle Molly was born.

 

I wanted to march into the gynaecologist’s office and show off my baby. I somehow managed to restrain myself.  Mostly because I had a C-section and could barely move!  But in my head, I stormed in and shouted profanities at the nasty doctor whilst advising the other patients to not listen to a word of the doctors lies, and that they should believe their heart. I was hormonal so I bet I could have gotten away with it…

 

Anyway I’ve digressed, but my point is that I’ve been up shit creek before and still managed to conquer the impossible.

 

That means absolutely anything is possible. We just have to believe it.

 

If I want another baby I will have one.  But maybe I will decide instead to have a hysterectomy; it has been a long battle and I am physically and mentally exhausted, and I am already blessed with one child. The doctor won’t make that decision for me. I will.  I’ll discuss with Chris how each decision will affect our lives, but ultimately I have to do what is best for me. That might sound selfish but we all need to focus on ourselves and do what is best for us every once in a while. And anyways, how can I be the best mother and partner if I’m not doing what is best for me?

  

This is all the past. I don’t really have any resolutions for 2017.  What’s the point? They are broken within a few days anyway. What I do have though, is a promise to myself to be the best person I can be, the best mummy to Molly, and the best partner to Chris.

 

I obviously have some personal goals such as losing weight and improving my fitness, but these goals are about a change of lifestyle and not a fast fix.  I won’t be putting pressure on myself to reach a certain weight by a certain time, or surviving on a diet of lettuce and kale.  I’ll make a promise to myself to do my best to reach my goals at a steady and manageable pace. 

 

I want to put as much time and effort into my blog as I possibly can, with the promise to myself that this won’t be at the expense of time spent with my family. There is always time to write about special moments, but if I miss the special moments because I’m writing, then as well as feeling shitty, I won’t actually have anything to write about…

 

I also want to make sure I do some things for myself this year, like learning new crafts or signing up for a part time course. Being a mother is the most blessed role I could ever have, but it doesn’t mean I can’t have some sort of life outside of that, even if I do feel guilty about it.

 

So I suppose this is where the better version of me comes into play. 2016 sucked big time. I won’t allow the same from 2017.  I am going to grab it by the balls and get exactly what I want out of it. The power of positive thinking goes a hell of a long way.

 

Most importantly, I won’t feel shitty if things don’t go to plan. Every new day is a blank slate, waiting to be written exactly as I dictate.

 

So happy new year to everyone, let’s kick this years arse together.  We all deserve happiness.

 

Bring on 2017!

 

Sam x


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24 Comments

  1. Sam!
    This post is IMMENSE. I’m not going to be cheesy and say you rock and well done you and all that stuff. But I feel I have learnt a lot about you, and really been inspired to GO GET ‘EM after reading this. Not sure who ’em’ is, but they better watch out.
    Sorry you had such a shitty year, keep doing what’s right for you!
    Kimberly x

    1. Hahaha. I did try it once. I don’t really like it but the OH does. Although, he eats pretty much anything..

        1. It’s better than cabbage. Cannot stand that stuff. Tried the cabbage soup diet a few years ago. Can’t go near the stuff now..

  2. Fab way of looking at things. I barely blogged in December because I was busy spending time with my wee family I love blogging but you’re so right what’s the point If it’s at the expense of your family. I love your attitude. I think we need to realise that we can only be the best version of ourselves. I hope this is a good year for you. Xxx #familyfun

  3. I just read donnas comment of please don’t eat kale, I laughed out loud!! Seriously though this is completely the right attitude to take! I didn’t know of the struggles you’ve gone through but hey, you have Molly and you are rocking Mum status! Here’s to 2017 X

    Thanks for linking up to #familyfun
    Karen | TwoTinyHands recently posted…The Eden ProjectMy Profile

  4. This is so weird, but it’s like you’ve written my life story! I too have endometriosis and blocked tubes. In 2012 after a failed operation to unblock them I was told by a senior consultant that I would never have children naturally, and that my only chance would be through IVF (which incidentally they were refusing to fund as my partner has a child from a previous relationship). Anyway, in June 2013 we were just about to start the process when I found out I was pregnant! Even the doctors were baffled, and said it was about a 10 million 1 chance of it happening. 9 months later our miracle girl was born…and we named her Molly!!! How strange is that?! Congratulations to you, and I’ll definitely be subscribing to your blog! Kerry x

    1. Wow! I can’t believe how strange this is. Such similar stories. The universe definitely decided to take a break and bless us both with our little miracle Mollys. So weird. I’m kind of speechless to be honest haha. X

  5. Sorry you had a bad 2016 but hope you have lots of happy moments with your partner and Molly in 2017. I’m a great believer in just adopting the right mindset so go get them!
    Laura recently posted…Food: Winter SaladMy Profile

  6. Wow what a post. Firstly I am sorry to hear of your struggles and difficult times and hope 2017 is nothing but bright and positive. I am also so happy to read about little molly, science and doctors are an amazing thing BUT so is the human body and it should never be underestimated! Thanks for joining us at #familyfun xx
    Tammymum recently posted…48 Hours In BristolMy Profile

  7. You have come through so much and that learning and wisdom has put such a gutsy, sensible determined and positive spin on 2017 that I truly believe you will make happen the things that are important to you. Brilliant post. Read it back on your lower days xx
    #MarvMondays

    1. Thank you. What a good idea to read back on the post if I’m feeling down about things. I will definitely have to do that. Only positive thinking from here on in. x

  8. This is a great post. You are totally right, at times you have to be selfish and put yourself first, especially if helps everyone else in the long run. Health is not something anyone should take for granted so you do what you need to do to get yourself better, or as fit and well as you can be. With your attitude, 2017 will be a great year for you 🙂 Thanks for linking up to #MarvMondays. Emily

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